Ride Your Ego

“if someone who knows you mildly, can play you like a musical instrument, eliciting the responses they want, that is your biggest Achilles' heel”

If ego can erode brotherly ties between the world's richest siblings, ruin careers and relationships, wipe away fortunes and futures, it surely is a greater force than most of us give it credit for!

Come to think of it, ego is one of the two deadliest traps you could fall into — at work, or even in your relationships. The second is purely emotion. The two forces within that could conspire to ruin you with very little help from external enemies. The enemy is within.

Ego is that blinds you to all else but a perceived slight. And emotion that blinds you to the outcome of your resultant outburst. Ego that makes an entire clan believe their honor has been hurt by a young couple's romantic liaison. And emotion that makes them kill their own child and the lover.

From the Gita to Osho to Buddhist teachings to modern Western analysis of the constructed nature of self, all religions and philosophies have attempted to define ego. Yet, ego remains almost as abused a word as "moron"! "He has a huge ego;" "Don't let ego ruin your relationship," "Ego comes in the way of success" are oft-heard phrases. And yet, how many understand what the word means?

Here are a few definitions. Ego is "a pseudo reflection of the soul" (Lord Krishna in The Gita); "a false sense of the self," (Master Sheng yen, one of the world's most respected Buddhist masters); "an emotionally charged image of self" (Otto Kernberg, pioneering psychologist); "A false centre. The reflection of what others think" (Osho).

So then should one rid oneself of all ego and emotion as religious texts prescribe? Well, so long as you wish to live in the world and not take off to the mountains in a loin skin carrying a kavandal, the better deal surely is to learn to handle ego and emotion rather than give them up!

You can either make ego and emotions your strength or your greatest weakness by allowing someone else to handle them to their advantage. If someone who knows you mildly can play you like a musical instrument, eliciting the emotions and responses they want from you, that is your biggest Achilles' heel. If your enemy knows what most angers you and so makes you lose control, undoubtedly he will be tempted to use his power over you.

In our everyday lives, we are bound to be faced with situations that hurt our ego or incite emotions. A hurt ego almost always responds emotionally. The emotion may be one of sadness, anger, revenge or aggression. Give in to it and you have walked into a trap; to walk away is to transcend on to another plane and feel thrilled with your will power and control over yourself.

People take a catlike delight in playing with those trapped by their emotions. As Deepak Chopra says, managing others begins with managing yourself first. "Business leaders who don't know themselves too well and cannot get a grip on their emotions and ego, fail miserably."

The top performing companies are usually those whose CEOs' names you wouldn't know. They have an ego and arrogance associated with a CEO that has taken them there. That's because "these people were not into themselves; their goal was not adulation or power, but to create a great company." Their companies would do well even after they leave, which is more than what can be said for Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric.

The aim should be to develop a high level of emotional intelligence and self-respect, which enables you to think through your emotions intelligently, to use your emotions to help you think more intelligently. Respect people the way they respect you and don’t waste time on people who know not how to respect others. An individual always represents the way he/she is brought up. It is important to stay in touch with who you are as a human being, because that is who you will be in every sphere of life, be it work or relationships.

To that end, ego or an awareness of self is important. Who you think you are is an integral part of who you become.

Darwin was a Genius

First blog of this year- 2010 has started off on a good note. Lots of opportunities, promises, hits-and-misses.

The following is purely non-fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional and not coincidental.

Charles Darwin once coined the phrase "Survival of the fittest". Little did he know the magnitude of what he was referring to? To start things off, I'm not talking about natural selection or evolution of species... I'm talking about evolution of a different kind. Human survival!!

This is not about air, water, food or shelter. The basic nature of adaptability is something always been pondering about. How people change over a period of time and how they resist change.
All of us go through major life changes every once a while. To name a few, New school, new job, new places and new friends. Not everything is perfect in these new things that come into our lives. What do people do when they don’t seem to find company or detest the surroundings for some reason?

One of 2 things, either leave their prejudices behind or go talk to the people around. If they aren't exactly their "type" they just change their idea of "type" entirely and go with the flow. Sure they feel rather uncomfortable for a few days but then they get used to it and start having fun. If it’s the surroundings that bother them they try changing it or at least find some positive aspect about it.

Then others on the other hand don't mingle at all for a long time... Or mingle very minimally and constantly crib about the surroundings and rant about how much better things used to be or could have been.

Over a lifetime, we meet both sets of people. The 2nd sort are happy to begin with preferring to be alone than to be in "wrong" company. Or derive some weird satisfaction by telling every soul in hearing distance how perfectly horrid everything is. But as the days go by they get depressed and a vicious cycle starts there. The end result is a dull boring life and poor performance at work or school.

The other set find it a little exhausting at first trying to understand these new people around and manage with whatever they can get. But in some time they are happy and positive and lead comparatively active lives.

But people are not strictly black or white.. Everyone eventually moves on and gets accustomed but not without leaving that bitter taste behind. It all just depends on the individual's ego and the time which they take to 'crossover'.

The human ego is probably the biggest hurdle to happiness. So if you can’t beat them, what are you waiting for..?? Go join them!! :)

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Discontinue reading my blog if any of the following occurs. Some of my readers might be affected by the following symptoms:
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3 Idiots

Out of Hibernation after a long time...I just wanted to make this Christmas Break more fruitful than just all-day napping and late night movies !! More Blogging hopefully !!

I watched 3 Idiots few nights ago and I must admit I totally loved the film! Perhaps that's because I could so relate to it, having been in the same 'idiotic' shoes about half a decade ago. Most of those wonderful idiots I did my engineering course with continue to be very close friends. And while those four years will always be remembered as 'the best days of my life', the good part about not literally being 18 till you die is you can step back and see the flaws in the system.

The one question that I always think of is, “Why did we end up in engineering?” I for one simply went by the overriding family profession and respect coupled by the fact that my Class 12th marks allowed me a free seat at a good college in Bangalore. Some Farhans gave in to parental pressure, others like Raju figured an engineering graduate fresh out of college would get a job easier than an arts, science or commerce graduate, still others decided the four-year long engineering course would complete the 16 yrs of education required to be eligible for the GRE, just a precious few Ranchos came because Mechanical Engineering is what they could visualize doing for the rest of their lives.

If we discovered through first year that this isn't what we were cut out for, opting out would mean sacrificing a year. Not too many of us had the courage, so we just carried on. Conversely, friends of mine who did their undergrad abroad were asked to take all the courses that were not related to their majors in the first semester, so they'd have tasted everything before they decided on what they wanted to do.

As we settled in, we discovered the dreaded ’s’ word in all engineering colleges - submissions. So we got about writing file after file, assignment after assignment, drawing graph after graph. Sure we understood that the observations, inferences and graphs would differ every time the experiment was done, but why we need to hand write the procedure that had remained the same for the past 20 years is still unanswerable? But 'photocopy' was taboo. And the worst part, thanks to some apparatus not functioning properly, or not functioning at all, we actually copied the one thing we shouldn't have - the actual findings, from reports handed down by our seniors!

Then comes the even more fearful oral examinations or vivas as they're popularly called. Having an external examiner come and question you about topics that the internal never covered and put you in a pool of uncertainty. During the written examinations, if you got the right answer but didn't get it in the requisite number of 'steps', chances are your marks would be cut. So we all prayed to the God of memory rather than the God of logic.

Some things came as a whiff of fresh air in this monotonous monochrome, prime amongst those, our third and final year projects. The smell of solder metal in the air, the familiar pricks of foundry and forging, turbines and IC Engines, the excitement of designing and building a concept model and seeing it work - moments I felt truly alive. They were few and far between.

When we finally stepped out of the four-year whirlwind, not one of us was equipped to even read a salary slip, and most of us lacked any communication skills whatsoever - the fallouts of a unilateral, not to mention outdated, syllabus.

I have great expectations from the current HRD minister, who's at least shown some gumption in revamping the school system. From reducing the marks system to Grading system in CBSE, whether he'll ever make higher education more flexible is questionable, but the real point is, that the onus isn't purely on the government. It's on society at large, parents who don't bother to ask their child what their hearts calling is, teachers who don't bother counseling students, professors who insist on memory rather than knowledge, recruiters who go purely by grades and peers who make competition an evil word.

Until we realize that, you could pat your heart a thousand times and convince it that all izz well, which we get along fine with the current system, that restructuring is a distant goal but not an urgent need, but try telling that to the families and friends of the 8000 students who commit suicide in India every year.

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The Man behind the "Punch Dialogues"

Indian movies do not necessarily mean Bollywood. India is a vast country and just like Bollywood, the south Indian film industry too has its share of fan following and idols. Apart from the glamorous movies and music, there remains a respect for the actors and actress on screen. One of the biggest names of South India film industry and a well known Indian celebrity is Mr. Rajnikanth

As happens with all celebrity, he also has his own set jokes…!!! I had this in my email for a very long time. I am sure most of you’ll would have heard or read most of it, but I just wanted to share them for the pun of it

· Rajnikanth makes onions cry.
· Rajnikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.
· Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajnikanth PC will crash.
· Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
· Rajnikanth can build a snowman….. Out of rain
· Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
· Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
· Rajnikanth can play the violin…… …with a piano.
· When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
· Rajnikanth once had a heart attack…… ……… his heart lost.
· When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
· Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
· The last digit of pi is Rajnikanth. He is the end of all things.
· Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
· Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
· A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
· Rajnikanth calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajnikanth.
· If you spell Rajnikanth wrong on Google it doesn’t say, “Did you mean Rajnikanth ?” It simply replies, “Run while you still have the chance.”
· Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
· Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
· When Rajnikanth gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
· Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
· Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
· Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
· There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
· Rajnikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
· Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life, unless it gets in his way.
· It takes Rajnikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
· Rajnikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
· In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
· Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
· Rajnikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajnikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.
· Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
· With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
· The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
· When you say “no one’s perfect”, Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.

From this moment on...

(Dedicated to a certain hajmola chocolate bunny smiley ;) )

Time is the master of our lives... It controls us, weighs our every move and action. Meanwhile we human beings are continually pursuing happiness mostly unaware of the time ticking away..What am I trying to say..? Just this.. All of us want to be happy... But is living in the past or waiting for a better tomorrow really the answer..? Nope.The truth is happiness is something you have to work for.. Really hard sometimes... And it’s just the present that counts... Right here right now. Just do whatever it takes to put a smile on the faces of people around you.

Probably you had a really great time sometime in the past and nothing you do now compares to those good old times. Or maybe you have something big coming up in the future and you just wish you could get today over with. But who cares, all you really have is right now.It’s true you should always have a goal in life. See the big picture. But remember if you want to change that picture you can paint over right away. Just be grateful you were given the time to do so.

There is really no point in living dissatisfied wasting those precious moments you could have been happy.The clock is ticking away. If there is something new you wanted to try or if you wanted to tell someone how much you care, go right ahead and do it now. Thinking twice about doing a good thing is just a waste of time.

Why do I keep stressing on time..? Yesterday is but a memory. Tomorrow is a speculation. Today is a promise. Live for the moment :)sing for the laughter, sing for the tears,Sing it with me, just for today, maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take youaway... Cause we consider these minutes golden, And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone.

Just let our spirits live on, through our actions and good deads that you hear in us. Sometimes it seems things go by too quickly.

We are so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take the time to enjoy where we are. -Calvin (Calvin n Hobbes)

If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are? -Calvin (Calvin n Hobbes)

Expect nothing, you'll be rewarded more than you think you deserve. -Hsieh Tse Zhong

Dreams n Goodbyes

This is probably the shortest I've written but the one that makes most sense to me

Dreams do come true. Maybe not exactly how or when you wanted it to happen but it happens..Saying goodbye is probably the hardest thing to do... But 3 points to remember here are:-

1. You have got to be so lucky for the very fact that you have friends and dear ones in your life whom your going to miss so terribly.

2. Goodbye is a two way handshake. Chances are the other party involved will miss you just as much.

3. The internet is an amazing invention... so.. its never goodbye forever.

"True friendship isn't being inseparable, its being separated and nothing changes"- anonymous

Newton's Cradle