Ride Your Ego

“if someone who knows you mildly, can play you like a musical instrument, eliciting the responses they want, that is your biggest Achilles' heel”

If ego can erode brotherly ties between the world's richest siblings, ruin careers and relationships, wipe away fortunes and futures, it surely is a greater force than most of us give it credit for!

Come to think of it, ego is one of the two deadliest traps you could fall into — at work, or even in your relationships. The second is purely emotion. The two forces within that could conspire to ruin you with very little help from external enemies. The enemy is within.

Ego is that blinds you to all else but a perceived slight. And emotion that blinds you to the outcome of your resultant outburst. Ego that makes an entire clan believe their honor has been hurt by a young couple's romantic liaison. And emotion that makes them kill their own child and the lover.

From the Gita to Osho to Buddhist teachings to modern Western analysis of the constructed nature of self, all religions and philosophies have attempted to define ego. Yet, ego remains almost as abused a word as "moron"! "He has a huge ego;" "Don't let ego ruin your relationship," "Ego comes in the way of success" are oft-heard phrases. And yet, how many understand what the word means?

Here are a few definitions. Ego is "a pseudo reflection of the soul" (Lord Krishna in The Gita); "a false sense of the self," (Master Sheng yen, one of the world's most respected Buddhist masters); "an emotionally charged image of self" (Otto Kernberg, pioneering psychologist); "A false centre. The reflection of what others think" (Osho).

So then should one rid oneself of all ego and emotion as religious texts prescribe? Well, so long as you wish to live in the world and not take off to the mountains in a loin skin carrying a kavandal, the better deal surely is to learn to handle ego and emotion rather than give them up!

You can either make ego and emotions your strength or your greatest weakness by allowing someone else to handle them to their advantage. If someone who knows you mildly can play you like a musical instrument, eliciting the emotions and responses they want from you, that is your biggest Achilles' heel. If your enemy knows what most angers you and so makes you lose control, undoubtedly he will be tempted to use his power over you.

In our everyday lives, we are bound to be faced with situations that hurt our ego or incite emotions. A hurt ego almost always responds emotionally. The emotion may be one of sadness, anger, revenge or aggression. Give in to it and you have walked into a trap; to walk away is to transcend on to another plane and feel thrilled with your will power and control over yourself.

People take a catlike delight in playing with those trapped by their emotions. As Deepak Chopra says, managing others begins with managing yourself first. "Business leaders who don't know themselves too well and cannot get a grip on their emotions and ego, fail miserably."

The top performing companies are usually those whose CEOs' names you wouldn't know. They have an ego and arrogance associated with a CEO that has taken them there. That's because "these people were not into themselves; their goal was not adulation or power, but to create a great company." Their companies would do well even after they leave, which is more than what can be said for Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric.

The aim should be to develop a high level of emotional intelligence and self-respect, which enables you to think through your emotions intelligently, to use your emotions to help you think more intelligently. Respect people the way they respect you and don’t waste time on people who know not how to respect others. An individual always represents the way he/she is brought up. It is important to stay in touch with who you are as a human being, because that is who you will be in every sphere of life, be it work or relationships.

To that end, ego or an awareness of self is important. Who you think you are is an integral part of who you become.

Darwin was a Genius

First blog of this year- 2010 has started off on a good note. Lots of opportunities, promises, hits-and-misses.

The following is purely non-fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely intentional and not coincidental.

Charles Darwin once coined the phrase "Survival of the fittest". Little did he know the magnitude of what he was referring to? To start things off, I'm not talking about natural selection or evolution of species... I'm talking about evolution of a different kind. Human survival!!

This is not about air, water, food or shelter. The basic nature of adaptability is something always been pondering about. How people change over a period of time and how they resist change.
All of us go through major life changes every once a while. To name a few, New school, new job, new places and new friends. Not everything is perfect in these new things that come into our lives. What do people do when they don’t seem to find company or detest the surroundings for some reason?

One of 2 things, either leave their prejudices behind or go talk to the people around. If they aren't exactly their "type" they just change their idea of "type" entirely and go with the flow. Sure they feel rather uncomfortable for a few days but then they get used to it and start having fun. If it’s the surroundings that bother them they try changing it or at least find some positive aspect about it.

Then others on the other hand don't mingle at all for a long time... Or mingle very minimally and constantly crib about the surroundings and rant about how much better things used to be or could have been.

Over a lifetime, we meet both sets of people. The 2nd sort are happy to begin with preferring to be alone than to be in "wrong" company. Or derive some weird satisfaction by telling every soul in hearing distance how perfectly horrid everything is. But as the days go by they get depressed and a vicious cycle starts there. The end result is a dull boring life and poor performance at work or school.

The other set find it a little exhausting at first trying to understand these new people around and manage with whatever they can get. But in some time they are happy and positive and lead comparatively active lives.

But people are not strictly black or white.. Everyone eventually moves on and gets accustomed but not without leaving that bitter taste behind. It all just depends on the individual's ego and the time which they take to 'crossover'.

The human ego is probably the biggest hurdle to happiness. So if you can’t beat them, what are you waiting for..?? Go join them!! :)

Disclaimer :

Discontinue reading my blog if any of the following occurs. Some of my readers might be affected by the following symptoms:
Itching
Vertigo
Dizziness
Tingling in extremities
Loss of balance or coordination
Slurred speech
Temporary blindness
Profuse sweating
Heart palpitations